Wrap Up of 2012
Happy New Year!
I'm back and unfortunately I need to start this update with bad news. My Dad has lost his battle with pancreatic cancer...he was also prediabetic. It seems selfish to turn my thoughts to myself but after dealing indirectly with his health, I have become even more frightened for my own. I always knew that his side were cancer magnets but now with Dad having left as prediabetic, the risk for diabetes just shot up for his other children, too. When my sister and stepmother were diagnosed with it in the same year, I became worried that my youngest brother would be "next". Now, I have a direct tie to the disease because of Dad. The way I see it, I have two options: press my luck and remain in denial until I am next OR make 2013 the year that I fight to turn the tide back.
I know that Dad wouldn't want me wallowing in grief(although that is exactly what I've been doing even before he died) but now is the time to stop. No more excuses! 2013 is the year I quit half-tailing my efforts and roll up to more serious challenges. I WILL return to healthy eating and starting juicing. I WILL control my portions. I WILL take all of my meds and supplements. I WILL exercise...I have my schedule already made with it included, I only have to adjust it for this quarter's class. This WILL be the year that garden both inside and OUTSIDE. The best way to truly honor my Dad is to take care of myself. Also, since gardening was something that he and my grandpa loved doing...I'm carrying on an unofficial tradition, which lets me feel a little closer to them.
Wait, hang on...right? I thought you gardened inside because your yard is mostly sand. I do and it is! Then, how? Well, back when originally said that I was dealing with Speedee II and she was definitely NOT a rugged sort of chair. TANK(my newest chair) is different, she is a "beefier" chair more like Speedee I was. TANK might be able to handle being outside, I just haven't tested the theory yet...seating issues. Also, I have to figure out a path from the garden to kitchen. Maybe we should have one of those sod lawns? Driving through grass might be better than sand? Other things consider: weed and pest control, composting.
I know, I know..."all of this sounds great but where does SCHOOL feature?" I was getting to that. Ethics and Enterprise was the course I dropped last quarter when Dad's diagnosis was confirmed, I switched my academic plan around to take it this upcoming quarter. Spring quarter (the quarter after this) is the "Masters degree decision maker"--- a necessary course I needed got split into 2 five- week courses. I had already decided earlier this this year that since all of the Masters courses are done in five week blocks, I would consider these Spring courses as my "test run"...to see if I wanted to go up to the next degree level.
Before I can do any of this, I want to get things going with the last major indoor project first: the adjustable bed. I have already figured out that January is the best time for that. After that is dealt with, the outdoor garden would be the very next project. My goal here for the outdoor garden is late spring/early summer. I once asked my aunt Dee if she would help me set up the beds if I did it and she agreed. Ma only showed interest in growing other things besides flowers because of what I was doing. If I were to do it and REALLY stick with it, she would come on board as well...or at least that is the theory.
I know that I'm obsessing again but this really feels right. I remember years ago when I use to workout at the local rehab center, how much BETTER I felt. Gardening, strangely enough, gives me a similar feeling. Every time I go to check on the plants, I look to see who's thirsty, who needs pruning, or has been "visited" (as I know, not all "guests" are GOOD guests). I need to get back to that, I really do.
Christmas went ok despite a few problems, like no sesame oil for the Broccoli with Asian Dressing(Food Revolution) so I toned down the lime juice in it with a little sugar. Once again, I did not get around to making the gravy from the book despite having been prepared. Between the Macaroni&Cheese, the Pork Ribs, Stuffing, Peas, Sweet Potato Pie and the White Wine Cake...I barely had room to do the Beef Roast, Baked Carrots, and the Broccoli. Ma actually enjoyed the Broccoli and said it was nice to have something different.
My birthday was a somber one being the first one without Dad. Though we physically wouldn't get together, we would talk by phone about the events of the day and such. Over the last few years, dad took to asking me: "What'd you cook for (insert holiday here)...anything?" Dad had his picky moments but the man loved his food, lol. He was probably the only person that loved Salt more than I did. He'd even put it on odd stuff like pizza...pizza is salty enough to me without adding extra. I know this isn't directly food-related but I have this quirky little memory of Dad cleaning a penny with hot sauce. I'm serious, hot sauce! If you could've been a fly on the wall that day, you'd swear that penny was fresh from the U.S. Mint, lol.
All I do know is whatever happens...next year FEELS like it is meant to be DIFFERENT!
Bless you, my love..............I really feel for you.
The best way for you to remember Dad is that he spurred you to taking action regarding your health & well-being. Don't ever leave things until tomorrow when you can do them today. Tomorrow might never come. Get rid of that salt & sugar, eat of a smaller plate, & do a good thing every day.......so that when you count your blessings before you sleep, Dad will know you tried your very best.
This year WILL be different...........you will make it so.
My love to you dear, M x
I hoped to have more time with him than I did...see all of us accomplish more. I know he NEEDED to go but it doesn't make it hurt any less. I just keep plodding along 'cause tears are just a distraction. I'm not the point yet where things are completely together like they should. Rolling on inch by inch.